HAPPY 37 TH BIRTHDAY TO ME !

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August 19, 2014 I celebrated my 37th Birthday. It was an amazing time shared with some friends.  It is also the first birthday I have actually celebrated in 7 years.

I could share many reasons why I haven’t celebrated but let’s focus this year on why I did.

August 19, 2013.  8 days post heart attack.  I had been released from the hospital the day before.  Happy Birthday to me right ?  I lived, so umm maybe I should be doing something because I almost did not make it to my 37th.  Sadly, no.  You see, my Heart Attack was still a secret to most people.  Very few people knew at this point what happened and if you look back to my posts in February you will see that is when I came out and told the world.

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Friends did the usual Facebook “Happy Birthday”, I got some texts and phone calls.  I had people invite me out for a drink.  I replied to a few people, half heartedly, I declined the invites because I did not want anyone to know what was going on.  It was so hard not to tell people what I was feeling and thinking.  Part of me wanted to celebrate my life but I knew my reality that day.

I slept a lot as I was still battling fatigue.  I walked my 20 minutes as instructed.  I read a little and basically stayed in my protective cocoon.  It kinda sucked really.

Truth.  I felt very alone.  I felt like I may have not even been worth people’s time even if I was healthy that day.  It was like I was in a dark room with one light shining down, four walls with no escape.  I was trapped in my own loneliness.  The only escape was the hard way out and that would have meant telling people why I was staying home and not returning their phone calls.  I couldn’t.  I did not understand a lot of what happened and I was still trying to make sense of it all.

Please don’t get me wrong here, I was thankful I was alive but the reality that I may have never seen another birthday was quite striking and the fact that the Heart Attack happened so close to my birthday only made it worse.

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In 12 months, I realized that I really am not alone, that I am worth celebrating.  Life in itself is worth celebrating.  It doesn’t matter how crappy other birthdays were or how others made past birthdays miserable.  What does matter is that even if we don’t have an elaborate birthday party, that we take the time to celebrate the past year and the year of life that we will now enter in hopes that we make it to the next one and many more after that.

August 19, 2014.  I celebrated with friends, had a few wobbly pops ( yes, 3 is the # I remember putting me into umm “tipsy mode.”  I did a failed muff dive shot, I laughed, I goofed around, I had fun.  It was nice to hear Happy Birthday sang out of tune from my friends.  It was fun having a wide mix of friends sharing their stories about the silly and crazy things I have done.  It seems everyone had a great “ Mini” story.  Each of those stories no matter how embarrassing made people laugh, made me laugh and that my friends is exactly what I needed last night.

If you wish to view the failed Muff Dive Video, it is on my They Call Me Mini Face book page. They Call Me Mini

BIRTHDAY MUFF DIVE FAIL VIDEO

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Thank you to everyone who came out and making my night fun and a little crazy.  I am looking forward to next year.  I only get better with age from here.

Mini.

ONE YEAR !

 

 

ONE YEAR LATER ! 

Two days ago was the one year anniversary of my Heart Attack. I did not post that day for it was my day, for me.

August 11, 2013- August 11, 2014.

I could sit here and give you all an emotional post or try to be somewhat inspirational on what is my 1 year anniversary of having a Heart Attack at age 35.  That’s not what I am here to do.

1 Year later I can simply say this.  I am better, healthier, more alive, mature and probably the most awesome “Me” that I have ever been.  I am not the same guy but I love who I am even with the differences.

1 Year later I will not say it was easy to get here, not remotely easy but it was worth it.

1 Year later I accept and appreciate all that got me here.  The hard work and the fun stuff.

1 Year later I am happy and I think I have only just begun to re take the reset of my heart and my life to the next level.

1 Year later I truly and honestly for the first time in my life fully love and accept who I am.  Flaws and all.

I enjoyed the day … by disconnecting from social media and the news, reading a book, going for a walk or two and just reflecting and being thankful.  I also had Ice Cream.

Sometimes all one needs is a little time to disconnect and be with their own thoughts to truly have a good day.

Bring on Year #2 !

Mini

 

Taking A Different Road

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This past week I took a different road home from Vancouver. 

The roads, the terrain, the towns were all unfamiliar to me.  Sometimes I got frustrated and questioned my choice. 

Heat got to me, I got lost a couple times, had car troubles ( surprise, surprise !) had a lot of time alone, met a few cool people and got pulled into border security for inspection over medications. It was an adventure.

Regrets?  None.

Why?

I went out of my comfort zone and escaped a “routine.” I got where I needed to with a different road.

I love routine, I love knowing what is coming my way.  I am not adverse to change but I know, like most people, I like the comfort of just “knowing”

 This entire last year has been swings and turns and changes almost every single day.  It has made me better and gave the confidence to step out of routine. It has also been getting to me because of lack of consistency.  Doesn’t make sense does it ?

I am not entirely happy with a lot of things right now.  None of it is by what others have or haven’t done. I own my thoughts and my next steps.  That is where this post comes in.

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Since I have been home, I’ve had conversations with a few people who just are unhappy.  Who either don’t want to or do not know how to make a change to make things better for themselves.  They seek advice from me.  Why, I have no idea, but they do. 

So, here is my advice to anyone struggling with anything right now.

Life can really suck sometimes.  Sometimes it seems like you just can’t get out of what you have to in order to be happy or live better.

I could tell you to suck it up and deal with it but that is not the right answer. I know adversity, trust me.

Deal with it but break shit down.  No one is going to give you the free and easy way out. Looking at every single problem as one big issue will never help.  BREAK IT DOWN ! 

STOP whining and complaining and start doing something small.  JUST START. 

Talk to people who care, who have been there.  You will find out very quickly who doesn’t.  Forget about what they do or think.  Move onto those who may be able to help.  It seems we focus on those who ignore us rather than those who want to be there.  This will only cause you more issues.

Choices.  Each day you have choices.

I could wake up and have a Cheeseburger for breakfast or not go to the gym.  That will not help my Heart situation.  I choose to be healthy and yes I screw it up sometimes.

There are days I have to make that conscious choice and FORCE myself to do something because part of me doesn’t want to do it. It seems too hard. But I do it and you know what ?  I feel amazing after it is done, completed and I can focus on the next task at hand.

So, why can’t you do it?

Because you haven’t yet found the fire in your heart or your belly.  It seems too daunting, stressful, heart breaking.  Find the obstacles in your way and make steps to remove them. If you don’t know, don’t just give up. You aren’t happy, then find that fire to fix it.  

Excuses. So. Many. Excuses.

You are the only person getting in the way of making things better. We are all busy or get distracted. 

Prioritize and stop making up excuses as to why something won’t work.  I have tried many things and screwed up numerous times before I got it right.  Remove the excuses, act and you may be surprised. The longer you don’t see your strength or your worth and keep making excuses, the longer the problems will persist.  Your excuses are a source of your problems.

Look, I am no expert or a life coach but I get it.  I get life.  I get struggle.  I get hurt.  I get heartbreak.  I get loss. I get failure.  I also get success, happiness, fun, laughter, surprises.

The latter will come when you light a FIRE under your ass rather than sit back and watch an empty fire pit.

There are also people who have it FAR worse than you and sometimes your problem is not as big as you are allowing it to be.

Have questions. Want to hear real ? Ask me, I dare you.

Take a different road, screw up, you will get lost a few times but eventually you will get home and feel good again.

Mini

 

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