I want to start this post by saying thank you to the reader whom renewed my blog this year. I had lost track of the date and missed my email reminders. Thank you so much. That renewal that showed me that I must have done something right or inspired someone enough to do that act of kindness. One person just made a simple difference in my life and for that reason I know I need to start posting what I have written but not shared.
I have so many things I need to talk about, to share and get off my chest. I needed time to sort through my mangled brain.
Being Vulnerable is scary for anyone, especially someone like me who always finds a way to be strong in a crowd.
I’ll start with this. I stopped posting on my blog not because I dislike it, I stopped because I went from the highest of highs in January to a low that I just could not comprehend nor understand that threw me into a tailspin of a dark tunnel that had me again re evaluate how I want to live.
December to now has been a lot of change. I always tell people if you are not happy with something, do something about it. So, for me, it is time to re start living with a purpose. I know I cannot change the world but I can change my life and maybe just maybe it will change someone or inspire them into something more.
Over the coming weeks and months I am going to get some serious issues out of my head. It has been know secret that I struggle with emotion, that I have been seeing a Therapist off and on and spending more time alone than someone like me should.
These last few months have been what I call a “hidden” struggle. Struggle in the sense that I am openly identifying things about myself that I have to accept while working on solutions to overcome or at least deal better with them. I need to focus on the things I have done well again and stop focusing on the things that have had a negative impact that dog my head daily.
I have no magic fix for my issues nor anyone else’s, I do have ideas and plans that I will outline as I move along. No one can fix anything in one day, it may take months or even years, it may take it’s tolls on relationships I currently have but also create new ones. I have read so much and heard so much about how who you surround yourself with becomes you, an element of your successes and failures.
I am not a failure, I am merely one person lost with many looking to define themselves, be successful, nurture my happiness and needs.
Life on purpose is my goal. No more wandering aimlessly with only hope. It takes small steps. I need to get better for me and those who believe in me. I need to believe in me again, like those who tell me they do.
Time to be uncomfortable yet again. Bring it.