I am in room full of people but many times I am lost….

So many posts I could have done tonight but I have chosen this one for a reason.

wedding3 935A

This past week I was in Veradero Cuba to Photograph a wedding.  The wedding of two friends I met through Reffing Hockey 3 1/2 years go.

This week could have gone in a couple directions and fortunately for me it went in the right direction.  But before I say how or why I must give a little back story.

Since my Heart Attack last year I have been in many different social situations.  Most I have felt a little out of place. No fault of my friends, I must clarify.

If I am to be honest here.  I have almost preferred to be alone than around a group of people.  I am not who I was and many times I have no idea how to portray who I am exactly now.  Do I even know who I am ?

In a room full of people, I have felt lost.  It is almost like for a time I forgot how to react or get involved in conversations. I forgot how to be social.  It’s not that people have secluded me.  It more like I have secluded myself a bit.

I have always been the guy to try and find a place to really “fit in”  My friends are a Cornucopia of different groups and I wouldn’t necessarily say I fit into any one certain group.  I have always kinda been this way.  I adapt to the situation or group I am with.  Usually with success.

Since my Heart Attack…..

Not so much.  Social anxiety, feeling like you are being watched when in fact you are not.  Strange, I know but these are my thoughts.

Now back to Cuba….


I knew a fair amount of people attending this wedding but it still could have been a lonely time for me.  They are family.  I am a friend there to do a job.  I am not even a close friend but a friend there…. to Photograph a Wedding.

What happened in Cuba is more than I could ask for.

Not even once did I feel alone, secluded or like an outsider.  I felt like a part of the group.  I was included in the activities such as the Jack and Jill party, a few dinners, pool time, late night Ocean swimming, dancing against my will ( Thanks Kailee and Riley !) I was joked with, laughed at and with.

You know people like you when they harass you a little.  Or a lot, haha

I could have been left to my own devices and yes there were times I was on my own but by choice really.  People invited me to hang out to let loose and have fun.

I was like I belonged from the start.  No awkwardness. No having to try to hard to be liked.

This resulted in great conversations and meeting new people and a few wobbly pops and a lot of laughing.

What did I learn?

Just Be Me.


Me- A Clutz !
Me- A Clutz !

People can like me for whoever I am now, even if I am not 100 % unsure of exactly who that is.

Dance against your will my friends, you may just tear up the floor and genuinely have a moment of joy unexpectedly.


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